On Love & Relationships

by Tiffanydenise

www.mywellnesscoach.us/ myspace.com/mstiffanydenise

Beautiful Pearl of Wisdom:

In order to achieve and access the love you desire you must first embrace and understand that you are in a constant loving relationship with your inner being-remembering always that what you sow in the debts of your mind reaps and manifest in your reality.

Consider the following scenario:

A man and a woman are in a relationship and they are for the most part happy to be in one another’s company. They go out, spend time together. They visit one another’s home and cook or perhaps order take out and watch movies. They enjoy the intimacy between one another and things seem to be on the up and up. However almost without fail something terribly goes wrong. The woman begins to bicker with the man about not holding her hand as they walk down the street. She may even get very frustrated with him if he doesn’t comment about other men who are flirting with her. She will perhaps demand that the man take her out to dinner or dancing at least one or twice a week. She picks arguments with him seemingly wanting to prove that she is the better of the two.

Simultaneously the man begins to ignore when she calls rarely returning a call in a timely fashion. He may have less and less time to talk about what she may be going through personally, even though he gave his word that she could count on him in the time of need. However for some reason he is rarely around to assist her in her time of need. He doesn’t genuinely seek to understand what is going on with this woman on a level of sacredness. By exerting his “macho nature” he seemingly wants to show her who is the more dominate of the two. The man and woman have now entered a competition of the survival of the fittest.

Their relationship becomes familiar and filled with contempt. Trust is out the door. Each one of them is on the defense. They are arguing more than they are laughing together. The seeds of discontent have been planted and instead of cultivating the soil the two in this relationship opt instead to cease watering the soil and ultimately the harvest is compromised and yields nothing but the un-harvested potential of a loving and sacred relationship. The question is: what went wrong?

I hear this all time:

“Love doesn’t exist”

“relationships are so difficult”

“finding a relationship is so difficult and hard”

“there is no such thing as being in love”

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Poet & Philosopher Renard “Zo” Williams states in his book The Rebrith of Seeds, “love is the mercy of death and concurrently it is the intendment behind the spark of all that has life. Love despises its own name. Love has lived up to its false utterance so much so that it has transcended the sound of it all together, long before what was felt was named. Love is not assisted by a standard set of rules or circumstances that makes the moment right for its activity, or lack thereof, to be noticed by two who wish to invoke what already is. Love.”

A great many people today contend that love is somehow separate from them and it is something to look for but as the poet stated, “it is the intendment behind the spark of all that has life.” Yet we continue to look for love in all the wrong places. We are looking for something again that has never been lost, misplaced, or hidden. If we decide to live as authentic beings we will find that we are love and love is us and we simply need to be loving and connect with the love that resides within each and every one of us. “If you knew who walked beside you at all times you would never”, as The Course in Miracles teaches, “know fear or doubt again”.

The lack of feeling loved will manifest itself in feelings of fear and doubt. A fear that no one will ever love me the way I deserve to be loved and the doubt of the same premise. Again we continue to go back to the same principal as a man think so he is-the laws of attraction are real and in order to attract love, one has to be loving and that can only start within each and everyone of us.

Instead we have been breeding a culture of beings who fear, doubt, don’t trust, and judge based on superficial status marks.

No wonder relationships between men and women are strained and toxic.

God is love. This God force/ Universal Intelligence has always been, is now, and will always be. So you see-you are in love. You are always in love. You are love. As for the relationship you are seeking….

I digress…

I recently went through major transformation as far as my concept and understanding of relationships and specifically the relationships that I seemed to be attracting into my life. I realized the ignorance of this blunder and actively sought to shift my attitude towards a more fruitful experience.

During my transformation and the assistance of a good friend I realized something very simple in the way I was communicating with myself and how this was leaving a stain and a hole in my spirit.

The term single when referring to marital status implies that you are alone without a mate or significant other. And therefore to be in relationship meant that you were not single anymore-since now you have a mate, a companion of the opposite sex that satisfies a need in your life.

I began to realize how that belief was preventing me from experiencing the love that I know I truly deserved and I was blocking that experience from coming in simply because I viewed myself as being separate and apart from the very love that created me.

What better relationship can you have other than one that is in alignment with this divine source? This is where the relationship lies! It’s not outside of you! It’s within. Thus when you have two beings who understand their relationship with Divine Wisdom and they come together to further expound and share that same love to magnify its greatness that is the beginning of a true Divine Partnership.

In the past I would continuously see myself as being single looking, or more often hoping for the right man to hurry up and come along to bring balance to my illusionary state, but thank goodness for my pervasive attitude and the help from a friend I continued to learn, grow and acquire knowledge.

I had to shift my thoughts to empowering affirmations that added value and promoted life and vitality. I began to realize that I am always in relationship. I am in relationship with Divine Wisdom and all that has been created by this force. I am not alone. I am in love continuously.

So in thinking more on relationships with someone of the opposite sex-the ultimate achievement would be to engage in a Divine Partnership; two people affirming their love for God and sharing in the majesty and wonderful abundance that this life has to offer. Their union not only serves this higher power but it also unequivocally produces more good into the world around them. The world is made better simply because these two have joined equally yoked in an authentic partnership.

Most of us are living a lie and calling it a relationship. Instead of understanding the current relationship as a learning and training ground for real authentic love we settle for what isn’t peaceful to our very nature. We do this because we have not made atonement with our inner God Selves; it’s unlikely that many of us even realize that this is where the real problem exists. As we settle for unions that are beneath our God Selves we experience all the frustrations, turmoil, and vices associated with this type of union. The main focus here is the mere survival of each person at the expense of the other. Amount of money, type of job, taste in wine or shoes, or better yet the extravagance of the ring, or wedding ceremony takes precedence over real authentic truths that result in harmony, peace and freedom for both people involved.

So to respond to the question asked in the beginning of this chapter: What went wrong? Well what went wrong happened before the two in our scenario actually got into a relationship. What went wrong was: neither the man nor the woman were God Realized to begin with and entering into a union only magnified each one of their personal challenges and obstacles to overcome. This isn’t to say that one should stay away from relationships until one is God Realized. You would have to engage in relationships to understand where you need to grow otherwise you’ll never know on the level of intimate relationships what needs to be realized by you. Our relationships are a mirror to ourselves as a friend helped me to understand. Whatever the other is bringing to the relationship that we don’t like is exactly the thing the universe is pointing out to us that needs to be fixed within ourselves. Again it’s the laws of attraction at work. Like attracts like. If you are not aware of your Divine Self you may just take these types of encounters as normal and decide to view these occurrences with the following sentiments: love isn’t real, it doesn’t exist, being in a relationship is so hard, a good man or woman is difficult to find, ill never find the man or woman of my dreams, etc.

However if you are aware of your Divine Nature then you will understand that these relationship are lessons and the man or the woman is a teacher sent to teach you about you and you are there to teach them about themselves with the purpose of matriculating to the next level in spiritual growth.

When you encounter something in a relationship that you don’t like it’s time to do some soul searching and really discover where the holes, stains, scars, insecurities, predictability so forth and so on are in your own person. When you can honestly look within to straighten up your own mess, you can actually begin to see this person as a gift for had it not been for he or she you may have never learned these lessons.

When we don’t realize that this is actually how we should begin seeing our relationships with the opposite sex we for the most part we keep repeating the same cycles which leaves us to the same conclusions about relationships. What is actually happening is this: the lesson is repeating itself until we get it. Once we get it we can then prepare ourselves to receive and embark on the sacred/divine relationship of our dreams.

“Spiritual partners recognize the existence of the soul, and consciously seek to further its evolution.”
-Gary Zukav

Sample Chapter from Beautiful Pearls of Wisdom. Copyright by Tiffany Newton 2007.